Squidward's Gone
by ShinyKendo
Summary: Squidward decides to leave Bikini Bottom, perhaps forever.  Is there truly an escape?  A short look into his past, and his future.  Horror for being kind of disturbing, and MIGHT be parodying these new disturbing Spongebob episodes.


Here's the second of two slightly older stories I should get out of the way before continuing my other, not one-shot tales. There's a slight chance of this getting 1-2 more terrifying chapters, but...probably not. This was made November 21, 2009, then revised and given an alternate ending today.

Blame the newer, worse Spongebob episodes for giving me the idea.

* * *

He ran over the sandy hills, panting.

_I have to get away. I have to._

His rolling suitcase bumped over the rocks, carrying his most precious belongings.

_He's everywhere. No matter how hard I try..._

A magazine slipped out from the case, but it was quickly forgotten, and swept away by the sea breeze.

_I'll make a new life in a new town. Somewhere where he won't be able to find me._

Jellyfish passed by him like a pink blur.

_He can never find me if I never go back._

For Spongebob, it was another bright and sunny day in the undersea town of Bikini Bottom. The alarm horn sounded, greeting the new day.

Spongebob woke up with a big smile on his face, ecstatic. "Good morning, Gary!" he yelled.

"Mrow," his snail replied lazily.

"Today's a special day, Gary!"

"Mrow?"

"Today, I am going to go visit Squidward."

"...Meow."

"I KNOW I've already visited him fifteen times this month!" He shook his fists up and down in excitement. "Isn't that [i]_great?[/_i]"

"...Mrow."

"WOO!" Spongebob ran away to get dressed, hands in the air.

"Mrow." Gary shook his head.

Now dressed in his trademark square suit and tie, Spongebob Squarepants opened the door of his pineapple house. "Ah, the great outdoors," he said to himself. "Well, time to go see Squidward!" He walked next door to the head-shaped residence of Squidward Tentacles and knocked on the door. No answer. "Hm," he said. He knocked again. "He must be busy. I'll go check on him." Even though the door was locked, Spongebob opened the door to his neighbor's house.

The living room was empty. Even with the vibrant green and black on the walls and paintings of Squidward all over, it felt lifeless. Spongebob looked all over the house for him, but still no sign of life. He closed the bathroom door and gasped. "Squid's gone missing!"

He ran to the phone in his own house extremely quickly and called the police. Spongebob literally screamed into the phone, "Hello, police!"

A fish on the line responded, "Uh, sir, what's your problem now? You've called several times this week. Last time you called because you got a papercut."

"I know! This is serious!" His feet shuffled back and forth.

"Yyyyyeeeah. What is it?"

"My best friend Squidward Tentacles is lost! I couldn't find him anywhere!"

"Yeah. Right. Good luck with that." The policefish hung up.

Still holding his phone, Spongebob said to Gary, "They...don't believe me."

Gary squinted his eyes. "Mrow."

"I was _not_ acting stupid! If the police aren't going to look for Squidward, then I will!" He put his game face on and marched off.

Squidward walked through an endless sandy plain, dragging his suitcase along. He was tired and hungry, but he knew the only way he could escape Spongebob was by walking so far away he had no way of guessing. He looked around cautiously, then took a shovel from his bag and dug a hole in the ground. He worked quickly, soon making a hole that would fit both him and his luggage.

_I can rest here. Spongebob won't find me. I'm alone here. I can get on the road soon. Spongebob won't find me again, oh, no, he won't. I can be certain of that._ Crouched in his hole, he felt calmed.

_But what if he finds me?_

_What if he and that idiot Patrick come all the way out here JUST to find me, and they find a hole in the ground and __come across...__ME? I'm not safe! I'm _never _safe!_

_Calm down, Squidward. Calm...down._

_They are_ not _going to find you. It's impossible._

"Hi, Squidward!"

"DAAAH!" He scrambled up against the side of the hole. Spongebob and Patrick were on the other side! "But-ih-ih-_impossible!_"

"Mm, not if it's happening! Hey, Squidward, why'd you run away? Patrick and me both were worried about you!"

"By the way," Patrick said, "I brought some pizza. Want some?"

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE!" Squidward screamed. "I'm TIRED of you following me around, ALWAYS appearing EVERYWHERE and ANNOYING me! I'm sick of you and your friend Patrick, what with his non sequiturs and his single tooth and his stupidity. But most of all, I'M sick of YOU, Spongebob! You follow me EVERYWHERE, even when you've NEVER heard about WHATEVER I'm doing! You even created an EXACT REPLICA of my HOUSE! If THAT'S not creepy I don't know WHAT is. DON'T follow me." He slowly crawled out from the hole and walked on with his things, hoping they understood.

"Wow," Spongebob said. "He sounded angry."

_Finally!_ Squidward thought, walking away with newfound confidence. _All they needed was a stern talking-to. _That'll_ keep them away!_

Suddenly Patrick stood in front of him, holding out a slice of pepperoni pizza. "You sure you don't want some?"

Squidward took a deep breath, jumped up and down and shouted, "WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

"Uh...just because."

Squidward stomped away and was immediately looking into the happy eyes of Spongebob. "Squidward, you have to come back! Yet again you're doing something arrogant and wrong, and if you don't come back soon you'll be sorry!"

He pushed Spongebob away. He had peace for but a moment.

Am _I arrogant?_

_Nobody taught me anything. Nobody told me this was wrong._

_In school I always had something to say. Nobody would listen to me. They would only listen to Squilliam, and he hogged all the glory with the exact same ideas I had. So I had to teach myself with these magazines. But what substitute are they? Everybody hates my work. Everybody hates it when it's not done with Spongebob. Spongebob..._

The sponge had latched onto his leg now, sobbing. "Get off!" Squidward demanded.

He sniffled and said, "You've gotta come back home. You've just gotta."

"Why?"

"Because the Krusty Krab needs a c-cashier."

"The Krusty Krab can hire someone else, for all I care."

"B-b-but...you have that special...Squidward charm."

"GET OFF OF MY LEG!" He pushed him off with another tentacle, and he didn't come back.

Patrick found Spongebob scrunched up on the ground. "Do YOU want this pizza?" he asked, waving it in front of his face.

"I'm not in the mood for eating pizza right now."

"Then what are you in the mood for eating?"

"...Squidward."

Spongebob moped over to the Krusty Krab. "I'm ready," he moaned. "I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready...eady...ea...dy..." He pushed open a door, just barely able to do it. He walked past the empty tables and into his work station. He could hardly lift his spatula, he was so weak with sadness.

Spongebob slid his spatula under the patty on the stove. His arm didn't have the strength to lift it, and he gave up.

Mr. Krabs poked his crabby head through the window above the stove. "I'll be fillin' in for Squidward today, only until he gets back. So Spongebob, get us one Krabby Patty!"

"Coming right up...sir." Even using both hands, the patty wouldn't budge.

"Come on, boy! The customer's waitin'!"

It eventually was burnt to a crisp. "I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs. I'm just so...sad. Squidward ran away from Bikini Bottom and he's not coming back. He told me so himself."

"Me money's run away! That's terrible!" Realizing the potential loss of profit when one has a sullen fry cook, Mr. Krabs gave him a swift pat on the back. "But you don't have to act like a wimp, boy! Be a man! People come and go! What, did you love him or something?"

He sniffled.

"Pull yourself together, lad, or it's gonna be a long day. Now, get this customer his Krabby Patty, and be a man about it!"

"O-o-okay." He took another patty, but was still unable to flip it in time. "I can't do it, Mr. Krabs. I'm sorry."

"Well, I guess for a softy like you these things take time."

"No, Mr. Krabs." Spongebob wiped away his tears. "I have to go get Squidward back."

He took a moment to think about it. "If it's gonna make me patties, then do it."

It was nighttime. A cricket chirped underwater. Squidward was still tired and hungry, and also determined. Everything but the moon was pitch-black.

_You're too far away. He can't find you, he cannot find you. Everything is okay_.

A faint whistle came from the seaweed.

_What was that?_

_No, no, it's just the wind._

He stepped on something big and hard. He crouched down and felt its ridges, its blunt, pointed shape. Squidward stopped himself from pressing down on a trigger.

_What is it?_

A memory struck him from somewhere.

_A gun._

_A gun? A gun! I can shoot Spongebob with this! And then he'll be gone forever! He'll be dead and I'll never have to see him again! And then I can accomplish my dreams!_

He heard the wind whisper again. He heaved the gun up with two tentacles, holding the suitcase with one leg-like appendage.

_No. Calm down. That's not S__po__ngebob._

"Of course it's Spongebob!" With a big smile Spongebob appeared in his face.

"AAH!" He had him at gunpoint. "How did you read my mind?" He was sweating, speaking quietly.

"We'll talk about that later. I just can't live without you! I can't work or eat or play cards knowing that you're not there."

"That's CREEPY. You know, as I've been walking I've had some theories and speculations about you."

"Ooh! Speculations!" Spongebob clapped and bounced up and down. "Drama!"

"Stop being such an idiot!" he snapped. "As I was saying, you are the only one in your family who's ever been square, right? Everyone else I'VE ever seen was round. That HAS to mean something, RIGHT?"

"Uhh..."

"And you said it yourself, your species reproduces by budding, right? But your mother got pregnant! And she even had a square belly. That just isn't possible! And from the minute you were created, you were an annoying weirdo. You have ruined or stolen every opportunity I had for fame! Whenever I do something right, everybody says it's because of YOU!"

He panted. Spongebob only stared.

Without further hesitation, Squidward shot at him.

The bullet flew straight through one of his holes, which had suddenly expanded.

"Wha-?"

He shot several times more. Every single bullet shot, missed.

"But how is this-? I-I-"

"You can't kill me, Squid! Remember all the times I almost died? But I didn't!"

All the while Squidward shot and shot, always missing. "Wha...? Buh-buh-but you _have_ to die _s__ome_time! You can't just live forever!"

"Or can I?" He laughed his signature 'dayayay' laugh. It resounded in his head like the echoes within the fiery gates of Hell.

"No...NO! I don't want to have to live my life being bothered by you! If nobody likes me...if this WORLD doesn't like me...then I'll just have to leave this world!"

Few were at his funeral. Squidward's family, Patrick, Mr. Krabs and Spongebob watched as his casket was lowered into the ground.

HERE LIES SQUIDWARD TENTACLES  
FRIEND OF SPONGEBOB  
WORKER AT THE KRUSTY KRAB  
A TRUE ARTIST

His mother left a flower. Patrick left a rock. But only Spongebob Squarepants cried. He blew his nose in a handkerchief and wiped his eyes with it. "Always the weak one," Mr. Krabs said. "What's gotten into ya, boy? You've gotta get out of that sadness sometime!"

"But Mr. Krabs, I can't! Squidward was my best friend." Tears streamed down his face.

"They say he's gone to heaven now. The best ye can do now is wish him well and wait until you get there to see him again."

_Wait until I get there..._

He felt a knife in his back pocket.

_But I could get there now!_

**ALTERNATE ENDING  
(or continuation?)  
**

Squidward could barely open his eyes. He knew he'd killed himself, as the bullet went straight through his heart. He felt his chest, and he found the tissue restored.

_I must be...in heaven!_ he thought, with a smile creeping up on his face. _I can start fresh, maybe work on something worthwhile! I'll relax aaaaall day! I'll meet the most famous artists the world has ever known! And if Spongebob's not here...oh, this is a dream come true!_

He couldn't wait any longer; he had to look around. Squidward sat up and forced his eyes open, ready to see the dream.

He was back in his house.

_Well, there must a mis-no, it might look like my house, but it's heaven, all right!_ He didn't hesitate to run right out the door, again ready to see the light.

The sky was blue with flowers...like real life. The neighborhood remained...like real life. His heart stopped...like real life. And in front of his face was Spongebob.

"Squidward! You're alive!"


End file.
